Monday December 11

I won't write all my cool Christmas ideas for my family down because half the fun is the surprise and although I am nearly 100% sure it makes me a dork to have blog, I am not sure if it makes you readers one by association. So I am sure even if someone reads this they won't admit it. I am erring on the the side of caution.

Ellen Rose took her first big 5 steps last week. The shirt says it all:


holding on...


letting go...


FREE!
Christmas shopping has been non-existant so far, but alot of it is homemade so I've started that process. It is only slightly overwhelming. In a good way. Instead of going at it with a "get it done" attitude, I look at it like a kid would. If you asked a 4 year old to help you make a certain thing in the kitchen or on the computer-how FUN! And it is. I remind myself of that, and all the sudden, I am less whelmed.

Not sure what I sat down to write about. I find myself just sitting around thinking cheesy thoughts that would annoy me on bad day or a cynic on a good one. BUt it just amazes me how I have so much, more than enough. And the more I realize this, the more we seem to get. Not money, but time, fullfillment, just the things you wish you had when you do not have them.

We watched Cinderella Man this weekend and looking at how that family lived with their kids, and then walking in my kitchen where the food is overflowing out of the pantry. How can I be in a bad mood. How can I hve once OUNCE of self pity??? I think all the time how I am so blessed and I almost wonder if there is something I should be doing with all these blessings I am not doing. I find it very peaceful to always be thinking that I am living the life I am supposed to live and now I just hve to sit back and enjoy it...warts and all. It's too easy. Where is all the angst, confusion, worry I used to carry with me constantly? I am figuring it is a lot just that I am growing up. My cousin Ana once told me that your 30's were the bomb because you are getting things figured out, and have enough money and sense to enjoy it. And you don't give a rat's fanny what others think. That and I get to sleep through the night. I'll NEVER take that for granted again.

Cinderella Man also spoke to my fitness journey as well. When Braddock made his comeback as an old man, a reporter asked him what had changed, and he said “I know what I am fighting for” , there was pause and the reporter said “What are you fighting for?” and Braddock responded quite simply “Milk”. He needed the prize money because he and his family were about to starve to death. Now THAT is why one person finds their way and another one spins their wheels in frustration. For 6 years I’ve been climbing this hill. And I know I m going to get there this time because a)6 years wins me the right to say I am persistent and b) through being a newlywed, gyms closing, 15 hour work days, traveling, my Mom’s passing, a miscarriage, pregnancy, birth and newborn Motherhood all throwing me on and off track, I actually know why I m fighting now. And it is not why I thought I was fighting for years, and it’s not Ellen. I just figured it in the last 2 months and I was shocked because I thought I was self-aware. I was wrong. But now I am sure I know why and it’s been a whole new ball game.