Cat's got my tongue

Silence is a virtue but I've never been this virtuous. I think I got a touch of stage fright. I was writing pages and pages and getting hand cramps and when I decided to just type out my journal all the sudden, I had nothing to say. I have always done a great job at most things until the pressure is on and then my confidence deflates. I really have a prblem with stage fright in life. I am as prepared as I can be, and then I balk when it's time to really take a crucial first step in something. That's cool as crap that it translated over to something as insignificant as starting a blog. I am fascinated how we are all so consistent when we pay attention to ourselves.

I've been hanging tough in my fitness quest. Been at a plateau (not really, since its totally self induced) for about 1.5 months. But I tend to view the glass half full in that respect. When you make positive changes that result in fat loss, its just as hard to maintain those behaviors and not gain the weight back as it is to add in new positive behaviors to keep that fat loss moving forward. Maintaining weight loss is progress, since backsliding would be soooo easy. I have to not only maintain these new (and therefore slightly uncomfortable habits, I have to ADD even more uncomfortable and new habits to them to move my fat loss forward. So I have not reached a plateau, I am just practicing repetition of my new habits until I get to the point where they are "old" and then its time to add more "new."

Had a great time in Texas visiting Dad, although he looks haggard. Eyes are bleary, his weight is up (despite daily weight workouts), and his mind and emotions are dull and lackluster. I wish he would just find it in his heart to retire and move this way...funny how that seems so obvious to me and not so obvious to him. I want him to know his first Grand baby and since he is the only Grandparent she has on my side, I am a little obsessed with that fact. Losing Mom afforded me some perspective and clarity I did not have before and really health and family are ALL that is important, and the rest is just stuff and fluff. So stressing over the stuff of life is normal, but ultimately a waste of time. And I want him close so Ellen can know him and grow up secure in her family roots. Here she is on her way to Grand Dad's...he calls her "smiley" since this is the expression she wears constantly...