Peaks

Today is soooooooooooooooooogood. Many many reasons.

I am learning to live a lot more consciously instead of dashing around 'accomplishing' and wondering if I am really appreciating what I have. Then I realized, the secret is to STOP filling your time and start feeling it. I think this may be the real benefit of praying (beyond religion). I don’t pray. Usually. But I’ve started and since I am so unsure of my faith, its not a "dear god" its a "today I am thankful for, and Today I am worried about, today I am wonder how to handle a certain situation, etc..." I am finding that these things could easily be translated into a "could I please have an answer to my worries, and problems" but without the expectation of an answer, just the act of consistent praying makes you constantly aware of what is on your mind and what is in your life. Voila, you are conscious. And you are not zooming through your life feeling all muddled because you are touching base with what is on your mind and what is right in your life. Right now, its not about the answers, its a lot about listening to myself.

I am really changing these days, inside and out. Odd event for me-I ran 3 miles in under 30 today like it was CAKE. I kept looking down at the treadmill and thinking, who is running on this thing?! My fitness quest has changed 100%. I am done with the self sabotage, done with doing anything less for myself than I deserve. I’ve said this before and I’ve read all about self-sabotage in my fitness reading, but never for a second thinking it related to me. But it did and it does and realizing that has changed everything. It’s done. And its not about a bunch of hullabaloo, no new notebooks, extensive plans, etc. Its just keeping my head down, staying focused, humble, quiet and strong. It was all about realizing that I had to fix the internal problems to solve the fitness problem, not get fit to solve the internal problems. I have felt better the last 2 weeks than in a long time. I was not unhappy, but the grief of losing someone, then the stresses of choosing to quit a job, have a newborn and all that adjusting, it has just been hard. Good, OK, low at times, but all together hard. Then VOILA. Beautiful fall is here and I am beginning to win the battle against lifelong weight demons and to top it off, I have gotten some affirmation and validation that my inkling about being able to help women who also have struggled with their weight might be right. Held my first bootcamp class on Tuesday, got some great feedback. It's amazing that they didnt just laugh me off the field. I am FINALLY walking the walk.

In other news, my house is home, my family is close, my life is richer as I make new friends through this training adventure, my marriage is back to normal and feels better than ever, my baby is nothing but a gift. I feel lately like I won the lottery, like every morning I wake up to a brand new shiny car – every day. I had to kind of stop and recognize it b/c I was not expecting it. I made some awfully hard decisions I regretted for some months after Ellen was born. I wished I'd put her in daycare so I could get a break, I wished I 'd kept my job so I could have some control over SOMETHING, I wished I had bottle fed her so she might sleep more, or at least someone else could feed her or at least get up with her and walk her; I wished I had sleep trained her earlier, I wished I had the money I no longer was making and the title and respect and creative outlet that came with my old job. I felt had not signed up for what I had gotten, yet all the decisions were made. And the most perplexing was that the reasons I made my decisions were so calculated. I would look at my priorities and then look at how I had laid out my life. They did not match at all. Money and accumulating things were way down on the lists. Time for and with immediate and extended family and friends were way up on the list, as was time to take good care of my body, and my family's health. Also having a job I was passionate about and truly enjoyed was a priority as well. As Andy Andrews said, you have make it a no turn back situation if you are ever going to leave a comfortable situation and embark on an uncomfortable one. In other words, do like Cortez and "burn the boats." He burned the boats he came to America on and told his crew "if we're going home, we're going home on THEIR boats" and he sent them off to fight and conquer. Working 13-15 hours away from home a day did not make nearly any of my so-called priorities possible. And after the last few years of my life, I felt rather broken when things did not appear to be working out as planned. These things were not immediately visible and I felt I had just had a big old HUGE fat case of grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side- ITIS. And I felt so stupid for falling into that trap. But, now!!! I feel all put back together and better than ever. I think I am ending up with all the things I thought I might get by doing the things I did...just MUCH later than I anticipated. It is nice when the valleys of life turn into peaks.

Grand Dad's Monthly Visit

What a wonderful weekend! It was great seeing Dad and Chandler as usual, but then to top it off we had a little family soiree on Saturday since my Uncle Bill was in town and it was a real treat seeing him. It was great seeing everyone really. Angie and Kevin have registered and picked out bedding for junior, and she is 6 months pregnant!!!!! Oh how I remember those days and loved them so. Now its a whole new world and I am already sad that this time in Ellen's little life will be gone before I know it. It has had its moments, but it's all worth it now. They've been talking alot about what the CIA is allowed to do and not allowed to do to detainees and what is fair, not fair, etc. Well, in these talks it has been said that sleep deprivation is a form of torture is probably not OK. As a mother of a NON-SLEEPER, I'd have to agree!!!!! Ellen Rose has slept all night long for 3 nights in a row counting last night. This is the first time she has slept all night long twice in a row since she was born. And now she has done it 3 TIMES!!!! I feel like a new woman. The effect just 3 nights of regular sleep has had is VAST. But I digress, it was a beautiful, fally type weekend and Ellen Rose got in some good family time. Since Dad could not make the Reunion in Calhoun this year, we bowed out as well. I don't think Grand Dad is disowning us, so that is the good news.

Yellow River Game Ranch

What a an awesome was to sepnd a Friday afternoon! We had squrrels jumping up on the stroller trying to get food (well, the type A ones anyway) and we had deer walking with us as we wandered around and tons of birds, peacocks, and geese wondering around too. We fed a donkey, ponies, goats, and saw the bears, and other caged animals. Not my favorite part, but feeding the loose ones was a treat for both of us. We'll be going back there soon. Our camera is acting up, thanks to Lauren for sending this to us.

Turning 11 months old on Saturday!!!

This is a big week! She turns 11 months on Saturday.

She discoverd how to open a game box on Tuesday.















Visited with Nane and Paw and














Discovered how soap suds work on Wednesday...















Melted my heart on Wednesday night (what is new)...














Thursday we ran to 'camp' so she was bundled up- that is the pen she holds on to when she rides in the stroller. She holds both her hands up like she is being robbed when we are running. The wind or something makes her do it. I'm sure to passers by on the road she looks like a bank teller in a stick up! Some people have running shoes, running shirts...Ellen has a running pen.









Then I snapped this just after I waved "see you later" - she gets busy right when we get there-lots of toys to play with!!!
















And here she is in what they call the "bye bye buggy"...She seems to LOVE it!!

























Tomorrow we go to Yellow River Game Ranch with Lauren and Davis.
I am sure I'll be my usual papparazzi.

Milestones

The front door is open and so is the back. That just feels GOOD when you can do that in Georgia. It's not 400% humidity and the temperature is reasonable. And (gasp) there is a breeze this morning. I *LOVE* fall and it's a'comin'. And not just fall, but FOOTBALL is here too. Somehow I got all into it last year after umpteen years of just really liking the tailgating and Jim Beam and artichoke dip, I'm now all about the GAME and the behind the scenes soap operas too. Even the NFL-I'm ALL about it. We've watched pre-season NFL and as much college ball as Ellen will allow. She slept straight through the Ga game last weekend, bless her heart. So in addition to recovering from sleepless nights and the adjustment to sahmom-dom, fall is coming, football has started, Ellen is growing and things are really coming together. I just feel good right now all the sudden. It’s either another freaking mood swing or I am finally getting back to my old self. I’ve thought I was getting back to it before but I think I have figured out, there is no “back”—everything is different now. So I think I am getting back to my new self. At any rate...its safe to say I've got Fall Fever big time this year.



Cousin Angie came to visit this week - she is looking beautiful with her little 5 and half month pregnant belly. It's so exciting when I think Ellen is going to have a little cousin around her age to play with. Ellen is waving hello and/or good bye (or as her Dad said, it's "See you later", never good bye). She is also walking with us and balancing while she is standing for long pauses and likes to use her hands to play when she pulls up so she is perfecting her 'lean' while playing.




She is all the sudden (FINALLY) eating crackers and gold fish and sleeping like a champ. Eating and sleeping was touch and go after her virus, so I am ultra relieved that she seems to be back to normal. I wasn't sure I could take a regression in the eating sleeping arena. And the funniest thing is her hair. It's HUGE!!! When she wakes up, its all whicha way, commonly in the Grandpa Munster style where the sides are coming sraight forward and everything else is going straight up. She is a little baby with big hair. Hilarious. She is


recognizing Lucy when I ask her where Lucy is. Mom and Dad are chopped liver, so is Bella...but Lucy continues to be her favorite family member. Here she is in a common daily situation...talking to Bella at the back door. Bella usually doesn't let her get this close, so Ellen is overjoyed. And last but not least...she started her first day of "camp" yesterday. She did very well, no crying and had a great time they said. I, on the other hand, was a perfect mess. Mike was there and he helped remind me that this is FUN for her. And it was. Her favorite part was the finger painting!!! I was astonished they had them finger painting. This was waiting on me when I arrived to pick her up. I dont think I've ever been so proud of anything in my life.



















Mike wants to frame it.

If I can muster the courage, we might have to get some finger paints this afternoon and give taht a whirl. The video camera arrived yesterday so I am thinking we may have to catch that fiasco on tape.

4 MORE

It is most definately time for a video camera!!