I read a great short article today about motivation versus inspiration, and it made a lot of sense to me. I run and lift and work and prepare food ahead and read and fight and track and talk and keep on keepin on because I WILL hold my grandchildren one day. I don't care if its easier for others. I don’t care that I have been fighting this as long as I can remember and fighting it for 6 years since I got semi-educated about what I was up against. And I get frustrated with others for being so uninspired and half the time unmotivated, but the real reason is that I was once them and while I am shaking them and screaming in their face to WAKE UP! You are wasting every second you sit and make excuses! NO ONE HAS IT EASIER AND NO ON IS GOING TO DO THIS FOR YOU!! What I am really doing is traveling back in time and screaming at me. Did I really think what I was doing was going to get me what I wanted?? Did I really live like I would not see tomorrow? Why did I spend so much time worrying about what did not matter??!! That is a shameful waste and I get furious at this type of crap. I obsess over having a homey looking house when what matters is that it FUNCTIONS like a home and we make memories and make sure the important things are right, not that we have a home that LOOKS like the home and waste time making sure the accessories are lined up correctly. Its odd how common it is to talk about putting the important things first and then consistently acting in the exact opposite direction every single day, day in day out. And I think everyone needs to be jerked up like I was so that when their eyes open in the morning the first thing they hear in their head is THANK YOU!!!!! THANK YOU!!! Thank you for this day, these people in this house, this opportunity to build something awesome. And the last thing they think at night is the same. Because it can GO. In an instant. There is this huge life to be lived but it all happens in your head. Not in an accumulation of things or money or goals achieved. It's pure perspective.
For once in my life, I have no doubt, not one iota of doubt that I will make the most of and feel better with every day I live. I no longer doubt I will have the goals I desire because I finally established that they are what I really want and that my actions are mine and so are my results. Fitness is a great metaphor for life because it teaches you that you can make excuses all day and they can be valid but when it comes to achieving a goal…it is truly up to me. My circumstances will always be there, my limitations will always be there. But it is up to me if I let that stop me.
What I really think about is how I can transfer all this to Ellen. How she can learn earlier that it is all up to her. Instead of that others are just destined to have the things she wants because for some reason, she just can’t. I never believed that the things we say to ourselves really make who we are. But I was the classic “what is wrong with me, why can’t I achieve this goal?” person. And until I QUIT that, BANISHED that question and replaced it with “ What can I commit to doing that will help me reach my goal?” and that question only, I was stuck. It is amazing. I hear all the time that those who are “on program” are just not getting results. And I know how they feel. However, as politically incorrect as it is, I will not handicap them by telling them anything but the truth. The program only works if you work the program. So that little couple of things you don’t do that you’ve decided don’t matter are actually the very things that disappoint you week after week. And week after week when you ask yourself the wrong question, its no wonder people are getting the wrong answers. They just reflexively answer the question, provide themselves all kinds of excuses and then start looking everywhere but the mirror for the reason they have not achieved their own goal!!
Not only do I believe that poor health habits killed my Mom, I believe she was plagued by a negative self talk habit that I inherited. So if I don’t actively replace those habits with the positive self talk habits, I will be stuck in the same circle. No thank you. I have my life…I will overcome that. I figure we talk to ourselves all day anyway, might as well make sure what is going in there is getting us somewhere. One awesome trick is to imagine what you would say to your own children. “So you had great plans this week and 2 or 3 things did not go your way so you didn’t get the results you wanted? Again? What is wrong with you? Why can’t you achieve this? Why is so much easier for that kid down the street? There is just something wrong with you that you can’t get control and make this happen.” WHAT!!!!!!!?????? You would never teach a child to think that way. They’d never achieve anything. But this is how we talk to ourselves. And then we wonder what the heck is wrong. So all you have to do is tell yourself exactly what you would tell your child. They are going to do what you do no matter what you say. So if we dont say it to ourselves, they are never going to hear what we say to them anyway because it will be empty.
I saw a video tribute today of a grandmother who passed away one year ago today and as the montage went on, it was pictures of the woman as a wife, as sister, a daughter, a mother, an aunt and last as a grandmother. And I instantly thought of the absence of that kind of picture for Ellen Rose and Mom and the sensation is unspeakable. I instantly thought of that article on inspiration versus motivation and I thought of how I run and workout with such anger, or something…passion? It is almost embarrassing and I used to hide it, keep it reeled in. But not now, and I've been told that is shows, and it embarrasses me a little, but I don't care anymore. Whatever it is, I am definately inspired. I will hold my grandchildren.
Everything in life has improved since I started:
Taking responsibility for my actions.
Respecting and honoring my parents (and elders)
Arranging my life so I have time for them-always.
Apologizing when I am wrong.
Forgiving when I am wronged.
Banishing negative self-talk and dwelling on the past.
Starting each day fresh, forgiving myself and others and looking forward only.
Not letting fear hold me back, I let myself be ME, no matter what I imagine others think.
And it's really easy once I realized how hard all of it was.
