Being "that girl' this weekend

It's time to develop some new habits if I am really serious about this goal. In addition to reaching for personal bests at workouts, I need to STOP celebrating the weekend with 'reward' food. This is nothing more than a habit I have programmed myself to do and its going to have to be DE programmed!!

So I visualized what it would be like to live in the body I always dreamed of and I want to try being that person this weekend. So I have to ask myself, what would "that person" do? What do *I* need to do in order to wake up Monday morning and be light on my feet?

Read affirmations and goals 4 times a day, at least once out loud
Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables often to stave off hunger
carry 2 apples, and an emergency bar at all times
still drink a gallon of water each day
Enjoy the company and the atmosphere instead of the bread at the Friday night dinner out.
avoid overeating at all costs...stuffing myself to discomfort is unhealthy and not a habit of the person I want to be!!!
Strive for personal bests i workouts rather than settling for a good long walk with the fam as MY 'workout.'
Consider this my signature...
Anna

A promise is a promise

So as part of the DORI2006, I promised to journal about my body one time a week. I almost conveniently forgot to do this. Let's see, I feel like I no longer look fat, and I feel that I appear to be in at least average shape, and I feel proud of my runs and of the compliments I got from the big guy at the gym. But I thnk I am ralizing I am still a stocky little pudgy not-there-yet girl. It's good for ME, but not not where I want to ultimately BE. I feel that I am in better shape than my body looks like it is in. I feel thick and pudgy and feel like this is where I always lay off, b/c I am in good shape and again, its a good weight/size for me compared to where I was/have been. But I still have that 20 lbs to lose. Not feeling great, not feeling terrible. Right now, I am feeling like I'd like to bust this plateau and not look back. This is a low weight for me, so I have to really do some critical changing to go from stout and pudgy but in shape to sleek, lean and in no way chubby at all. ON the elliptical yesterday I was thining about this lady in her 50;s that comes in and does the elliptical daily. She has pretty great legs and she is slim and in shape, but she still looks 50. I started thinking about how she looks slimmer than I do and I am 31 and if I dont quit screwing around I am going to miss an opporunity to have a great body and live life with superior health and kickin physique b/c at some point your body kind of betrays the hard work you put into it. I'm 31, I could feasibly spend the next 10 years (at least) in a better body than most of the teeny boppers I see. But not if I dont quit screwing around. So I am at that point where its easy to feel good and stop, but I get so disappointed when I see my stocky self in the mirror, so I gotta keep on keepin on....

Thursday June 15

Another day another workout. Today's HIIT was less than exciting. Yesterday's was EXCITING-I felt like I was running ABOVE the treadmill. Level 6 was 5.0. level 7 was 5.5, level 8 was 6.0, level 9 was a whopping 7.2 and level 10 was an8.1!n That is one arse kicking cardio session. Today I was feeling kind of dizzy, was going to do some steady state but Ellen missed her nap, and was due to eat so I decided to do some steady state and in order to get a little more bang for my buck sinc ei really needed to cut it short add in 3 intervals. Could not replicate yesterday's intervals without hyper-dang-ventilating. But I did it. 3 times. Have no idea how I did it 5 times yesterday.

Forget the discouragement about the weight. I feel tight and firm and light on my feet. The new promises and the new affirmations and the VERY short term goals are doing the trick.

In talks with another gym franchise. He asked me what my plans were in an email and writing my response was clarifying for me. But...

Will I regret adding more to this life or will it be just the ticket for me? I don't know. Most people spend all their time 'wishing' they 'had time' could 'slow down' and they don't do the things in their power to control that and make those things a reality. So here I am with nothing on my plate than Ellen and wiling away afternoons, and I like it and am so thankful for it and find myself realizing I am living that dream I had sitting in my office downtown. Then I go and start conversations with franchises and people and I am wondering, should I just let it go before I get right back in the same boat or is it meaningful that I keep returning. Is it just the human nature of wanting more more more?

DORI2006

"Dead or Ripped In 2006"

this is my pet name for my current program... BFL foods, 6 days of excercise and within my WW points 6 days a week. The daily affirmations are proving to be critical in what has so far been an early success.

AFFIRMATIONS:

I will be dead or ripped by August ’06.

Everyday I am stronger and leaner and more commited to my goal.

I will greet temptation and easily choose to honor my commitment.

Food is the fuel I use to build my body.

Food is not the answer to boredom or stress.

I am a person of ACTION

I have a decided heart.

I have a strong body.

EVERYTHING I DO AND DON”T DO MATTERS and I choose to make good decisions.

Nothing will keep me from my goal.

You train like a champion

"You train like a champion. That is how you get it done"..that is what the HUGE black trainer guy said to me today while I was catching my breath. Could he know how much that means to me? His physique is INCREDIBLE, and here he is saying that to old slightly overweight mother of 1. Wow.

Staying the course with the nutrition although being hungry is making me want to binge. I've decided a shower and a bar and a coffee will be my binge. Then I need to prioritize my activities so that when Ellen wakes up nothing is competing with her for her time.

Is being compelled to write about yourself narcissistic?

I am sure it is.

And therapeutic. And risky. It is the internet after all. But I love the ability to type rather than write long hand. And let me tell you how much I LOVE the title of this thing. After my Mom died two, no THREE? years ago, I started journaling every morning over coffee when I got to work. When I filled a complete notebook...it seemed to represent my life in a Nutshell, so I entertained myself by flipping it over and writing "the Nutshell" on the front seeing as how it was a tool for sanity during my grief and anger and how in one little notebook you could open it up and read all about my life in a nutshell. I found it so clever I named the second notebook I filled "The Nutshell 2". So I find writing very theraputic and when it's all said and done it is kind of an armor against what is bothering you, a "shell" of sorts. All bloggers use these things to get things off their chest - that protects your sanity, no doubt.

And as in all past journals, I always use them as "to-do' lists as well.

So my FITNESS...always at the top of my mind. Today is an hour of slow steady state cardio and eating only BFL authorized foods until Saturday night. I have 20 pounds to lose and BY GOD I am going to do it. Big huge Nigerian trainer walked up to me as I was hunched over huffing and puffing after my circuit and bumped fists with me two days ago and said (although we've never spoken) "you are putting forth a big effort, I see you working hard...you are all heart" I just said "thanks" between huge breaths but it has stuck with me. Felt SO GOOD for someone to notice. Especially since I put my ipod on and just GO at the gym. Can't let the gym scene deter you so I focus on my workout to the exclusion of everything else, including the fact that I am *sure* my arse is giggling during those walking lunges and my shirt has come up during crunches to show a not so flat tummy, etc. Food is my problem. If I get it under control, I will have th body I have always DESERVED. I have committed to only BFL foods, NO milk, no artificial sweeteners (breastfeeding) and daily workouts through this Saturday. Then I reassess, and make another VERY SHORT TERM goal. This is my new trick. Making them so short keeps me involved and there is no losing sight and getting bored. Last one was a week long and I started faltering and had milk in my coffee and a sugarfree choc ice cream pop after 3 days. So I am DETERMINED to achieve this goal and I am tightening up until it happens. It teaches you how much you actually veer from what you promised yourself. Just go two days totally on program, and you'll find it is harder than you thought.

Better get going. Need to figure out if I can pump during this nap, get people food ready for when she wakes up hungry (trying to get her weaned off me and get her to take a bottle or cup or ANYTHING so I can leave her for more than 3 hours) and get myself ready for the gym and pick up the house. Oooo, and there was a hunger pain-need to eat as well.

EXHALE. My first post. Wasn't so bad....